
Man, I want to be jazzed about 
Avatar, the big new multimillion-dollar epic written and directed by James Cameron.
Now, James Cameron has done some mighty incredible work in his lifetime. Blew me away with 
Terminator and 
Terminator 2. Great, great flicks. I was surprised to see him try to do a sequel to 
Alien, which didn't need a sequel, but darned if the thing wasn't bigger and better in some ways to the Ridley Scott original.
True Lies was a pleasant surprise, a delightful romp, and 
The Abyss simply blew me away. Both versions of it. I'm probably the only guy on the planet who thinks 
The Abyss was Cameron's finest hour, but there ya have it. (In fact, I think the reason I was so disappointed by 
Know1ng is that it was basically the same story as 
The Abyss, only above the surface and not as well done. Oh, maybe it's more like 
The Abyss meets 
Cocoon, but the point is both source materials were a helluva lot better.)
So if those were the James Cameron canon, I would be in line NOW to see 
Avatar when it debuts at the local theater on Friday. But there's one other little notation in Cameron's filmography, and that's why I am just not jazzed about the new flick.
It's this gawd-awful thing called 
Titanic. Man, I wanted to be jazzed about 
Titanic, it's such a great real-life story, a modern epic of hubris completely humiliated. The supposedly invincible ship that can't even finish its maiden voyage. An enormous human tragedy, so many dreams dashed at the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean.
But instead Cameron spent oodles of money to deliver an unbelievably trite story about two unpleasant characters who fall in love despite the machinations of her unpleasant mother and unspeakably clichéd rich-guy fiancé, a boring tale that takes half of a three-hour movie — 75 minutes in I was fidgeting in my seat wondering where the frack is the damn iceberg?! — the terrible CGI effects, I didn't for a minute believe I was watching anything except a computer illustration or a giant movie set, and last but not least the old lady has the multimillion-dollar gem that could help the struggling explorer pay his bills AND SHE THROWS THE DAMN THING INTO THE OCEAN! WITH A BIG SMILE ON HER FACE!
As great as every James Cameron film was that came before 
Titanic, that's how bloody terrible 
Titanic was. It was the worst time I have ever had in a movie theater. Absolutely the worst, and that includes the time I wasted watching the jaw-droppingly bad 
First Family, the biggest waste of a brilliant cast ever captured on celluloid.
Now, of course, 
Titanic is by far the biggest-grossing film of all time. And therein lies the dilemma. Was 
Avatar made by the feisty and creative genius who made all of those terrific movies in the 1980s and early '90s, or will it be as bloated and overrated as 
Titanic? The money's on Cameron following the money, trying to capture lightning in a bottle twice. But I'm afraid he will find you can't go home again, no matter which direction he tried to go.
So I'm going to sit this one out, folks. Tell me if 
Avatar is any good, if you decide to go. Maybe if I hear enough "I didn't expect to love it, but it's incredible I tell ya, incredible" then I'll check it out. If it's still in theaters by then.
Labels: movies