Bouchaney

I am a big fan of beer — isn't everyone? But every so often I'm not quite ready for the buzz — say, for example, when it's 11:30 and we're having an early lunch, or I have to go back to work or some such. Then I like to have a nonalcoholic malt beverage.

Now some of these n/a beers are undrinkable, but a small handful are not bad. I like Sharp's, and there are some OK European brews available in the US of A — I'm thinking of Kaliber and Clausthaler mostly. Most places around here stock O'Doul's, which I have nothing good to say about. I would almost rather drink skunk fluid, which is the taste O'Doul's most closely resembles.

Waiting at a restaurant bar the other day, I said to the bartender, "I know you have O'Doul's, but I won't drink that stuff. Do you have any other nonalcoholic beer?"

"I can give you a Bouchaney," he said — I thought. It was pronounced "Boo-zhen-AY." I thought. Huh. Never heard of it, maybe it's French or something. "Sure, I'll try that," said I.

I received two surprises. First, he reached into the refrigerator and hauled out a Busch N/A. Second, I liked it. I really liked it!

So I have a new preference for those odd occasions when I'm in the mood for beer taste, but not beer buzz. And it's cheaper than those other options. Just thought I'd pass that along.

How far we've come

This story is a little example of why it's hard to hold out hope for that republic Ben Franklin mentioned.

SCRANTON, Pa. (AP) — Democrat Barack Obama on Monday promised Iraq and Afghanistan war veterans help with their grievances — save one. "I know it drives you nuts. But I'm not going to lower the drinking age," the presidential candidate said.

Army veteran Ernest Johnson, 23, of Connecticut, said one of the things that peeved him before he turned 21 was that he couldn't come home and drink a beer — even though he was old enough to serve in the armed services and die for his country.

Obama told Johnson he sympathized, but that setting the legal drinking age at 21 had helped reduce drunken driving incidents and should remain.

Look at the assumptions behind that simple little exchange:

1. The government should have the power to dictate at what age a person may drink an alcoholic beverage.

2. This power is properly exercised at the federal level.

3. The president has the authority to raise or lower the drinking age on his own ("I'm" not going to lower the drinking age).

4. Because some people irresponsibly operate motor vehicles after drinking to excess, the government must regulate all drinking of alcoholic beverages.

No doubt there are several deeper assumptions that I'm missing.

The question to Franklin was, "Well, doctor, what have we got — a republic or a monarchy?" Implicit in the way Obama answered the question is that he believes he's running for king — and nothing in the past several decades of American experience gives him pause to believe he's wrong.

I don't relay this to make you afraid of a President Obama — the trouble with the U.S. government is more intrinsic than the identity of the elected dictator. I'm just pointing out how hard-wired the situation is. The presidential candidacy of Ron Paul failed to gain much traction in part because the concepts he voiced are so foreign to the average American's ears — not to mention so threatening to the status quo.

Just blow, kid

Back home in the woods, and just in the nick of time. It's a scary world out there.

We picked up a paper or two along the way, and was startled to see that in Carmel, Ind., kids can't enter a football game without undergoing a Breathalyzer test. They tried it out at a football game Sept. 14, and no students had been drinking, so they decided to try it again at Homecoming Sept. 28, and it looks like it'll be a permanent addition.

Scarier: This has nothing to do with a problem.

Principal John Williams ... emphasized that the school isn't expanding its alcohol testing to football games because of an increase in underage drinking.

"The thing that has driven this decision is technology," Williams said. "It's not driven by anything we've noticed, including drinking. This isn't because these kids are doing more than other kids did. Alcohol has been in our society for a long time.

"What's different is technology -- hand-held Breathalyzers. We have a responsibility to use the technology we have to help kids make good decisions."

Scarier still: It's nothing new.

Students have been tested before proms and homecoming dances for the past three years ... said Superintendent Barbara Underwood.

Scariest of all: Nobody seems to mind. The reporter found the obligatory American Civil Liberties Union spokesman to mention the Fourth Amendment, but even he thinks the school district probably didn't conduct an unreasonable search because school officials run the Breathalyzer, not the police. And none of the parents or students interviewed for the story had a major problem with the whole thing.

Our kids are being raised to understand it's normal for innocent people to be treated as if they're criminals. Probable cause for a search? The authorities don't need no steenking probable cause. Just blow, kid, or you can't dance or watch the game. Make a fuss and we'll call the cops.

And another thing: I was asked to show a photo ID when I stopped to buy some beer for the hotel room in Tennessee. The clerk (who no doubt figured from my accent that I wasn't a local) apologetically said it's state law now -- everybody who wants to buy alcohol in Tennessee has to prove they're 21 or older, even if (like myself) they look closer to retirement than to graduation day.

I wish I could say I refused. But I really felt like a beer. And hearing about the law made me feel like having several. The cause of liberty is pretty much doomed at this pace.

On a brighter note, I have to tell you about the Smoky Mountains. Sadly, I'll also have to tell you about leaving the Smokies. Stay tuned.