Monday, April 09, 2007

Gas on the brain

David Letterman famously once asked Rush Limbaugh, "Do you ever wake up in the middle of the night and just think to yourself, 'I'm just full of hot gas'?"

Without meaning to, I think Letterman pulled out one of the top 10 questions most people ask themselves at some point in their lives ... in fact, sometimes I think asking that question on a regular basis is not necessarily an unhealthy thing, unless it gets you second-guessing your every move.

It may also be an unhealthy thing to charge through life never questioning the paths you've chosen, never waking up and wondering "Am I just full of hot gas?" On the other hand, if you're comfortable and happy inside your skin, you're probably on the right track.

Or are you? If you're feeling fat and sassy in this lean and troubling era, maybe you need to be shaken up more than any of us.

This is all by way of trying to explain the tail-off in entries of late. I have reached a harmonic convergence of steps outside of my comfort zone where, whatever step I contemplate, I start thinking that maybe I'm just full of hot gas. I may be just crawling inside a cocoon, caterpillar-like, with a cacophony of butterfly thoughts readying itself to burst out later. Or maybe I'm building up gas that poisons my brain. There's plenty of brain-poisoning material out there these days.

My standing advice continues to feel rock solid: Refuse to be afraid, i.e., refuse to yield control of your mind and actions to your fears. Most of the missteps and lack-of-action-regrets in my life come back to a failure to take my own advice.

When I have these attacks of angst, a friend of mine rolls up his eyes and urges me to shut up and just do something. Usually my response is "Do what?" but he's right - doing something is better than standing still. Sorry to cut it off here, but I'm off to do something. I don't this minute know what I'll be doing, but it'll be something. Fair enough?

P.S. Stroke-fish is still at the bottom of the tank, but more often than not lately he's been right-side-up instead of laying on his side. Lately he's been my good example.

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Anonymous sunni said...

I didn't realize it, but I think we've somehow started a hot gas club. That said, I think that most people who are attuned to themselves can recognize the path that leads to butterfly emergence from those that let more gas accumulate.

Thanks. And thanks for the fish updates, too.

9:44 AM  
Anonymous Taran Jordan said...

Megadittos to what Sunni said. ;-D

I'm not a consistent blogger, and I think that's due in large part to my decision to avoid news-type blogging, choosing instead to write only when I have something worth offering from my own thinking and experience. Which isn't regular, predictable, or even frequent oftentimes. It's a personal integrity thing.

So I know how uncomfortable those gas pains can be. You're not alone. You are, however, that much better an individual for remaining aware of your truth.

Warmest wishes to you and to the fish. Sounds like a feisty little bugger. :-)

6:13 PM  

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